The people of the African nation of Kenya are sooo hard to wean away from their anonymous cash. And their stores have almost no RFID payment infrastructure. So what's a power-hungry cabal of global overseers to do?
First, how about getting the nation's largest retailer, a chain called Nakumatt, to install computer hardware and software so they can track Kenyan's purchases through a "loyalty" card program. Make sure to require a valid ID or passport to get a card, since that way you can condition people to associate buying food with stringent ID demands.
Next, team Nakumatt's loyalty card up with
Universal AuthorityCard ... Global ControlCard ... World DominatorCard ... Global MasterCard.
Print one million prepaid cards and distribute them to Nakumatt shoppers, with a small balance on board each card. (Who can resist a freebie?) Use the cards to expose the incorrigible Kenyan people to trackable, rescindable, numbered accounts instead of cash. Train them to use numbers to pay for food.
“The launch of this innovative retail card will further assist in introducing more financially inclusive payment solutions to those previously not exposed to formal banking products.”
- Michael Miebach, president, Middle East and Africa, MasterCard Worldwide
Embarrass Kenyans into believing their cash is somehow inadequate, but leave the details vague. Tell them the perfectly successful way they've lived and done commerce for generations is backwards and unenlightened. Imply that your ways are superior, and shame them into participating.
Make sure each card contains an RFID tag, so you can get a spychip into the hands of as many people as possible, as quickly as possible, with as little fuss, awareness, and protest as possible:
The Nakumatt Global MasterCard Prepaid card features [embedded RFID microchip] PayPass technology, which is ideal for quick payment environments where speed and convenience matter most.
Emphasize speed and convenience - two of the three hypnotic words you chant to invoke the future. After all, we know these Kenyan shoppers live in such a glittering, high-tech fast lane, they won't want to be slowed down by a manual credit card swipe.
Even though credit card fraud is rampant and accounts can be remotely hacked, spoofed, and cloned, be sure to emphasize security. Along with "speed" and "convenience," it is the third in your anaesthetizing trio of incantations.
Prepaid cards are the first step in offering the security and convenience of electronic payments, and we are delighted to play such an integral role in... [introducing them] to Kenyans.”
- Nasim Devji, Group Chief Executive Officer, Diamond Trust Bank of Kenya Limited
Give your efforts an epic, humanitarian, quasi-religious spin. Use words like "vision" and "goal." Invoke a future cashless utopia with no explanation of how it will be better. Give a nod to your fellow conspirators, and publicly pat yourselves on the back for helping people "evolve" more fully into your image:
"It is our vision to assist the Kenyan economy evolve to operate in a world beyond cash, and collaborations of this nature are vital to achieving this goal."
- Michael Miebach, MasterCard
Michael Miebach of MasterCard transmits the post-cash vision to Atul Shah of Naumatt
Once the cards hit the ground, and before people realize what they've unwittingly become a party to, work quickly to expand the program to other countries.
“The Nakumatt Global MasterCard Prepaid card will initially be launched to our customers in Kenya, but we hope to offer the benefits of cashless transactions to our customers in Uganda, Tanzania, Rwanda, Burundi and South Sudan during 2013.”
- Nakumatt Managing Director Atul Shah
Continue your diligent worldwide efforts to eliminate cash.
Then force all to bow down before your Global Master (Card).
|Nakumatt Introduces One Million MasterCard Prepaid Cards to Kenyans|